In this week’s episode, I discuss eating frozen pizza after a decade-long hiatus, and rate my favorite brands and styles of frozen pizza.
00:00:00 Introduction and Writing Updates
Hello, everyone. Welcome to episode 239 of The Pulp Writer Show. My name is Jonathan Moeller. Today is February the 14th, 2025 and today we are rating the different brands of frozen pizza I tried over the last several months. I know that is an odd topic for a writing podcast, but it’s my podcast and I like frozen pizza, so we’re going to talk about frozen pizza this week. Before we do that, we will have Coupon of the Week and an update on my current writing projects.
So let’s start off with Coupon of the Week. This week’s coupon code will get you 25% off the eBooks in the Dragonskull series at my Payhip store. That is all nine ebooks and this coupon code will get you 25% off any of them. That is DRAGONBOOK25. We’ll have the links and the coupon code in the show notes. Someone pointed out that I’ve only been giving away coupon codes for audiobooks instead of ebooks, which is a fair argument, so that’s why we’re doing this. The coupon code will be valid through March 7th, 2025. So if you need a new series to read for spring, we have got you covered.
Now an update on my current writing projects. As of this recording, I am 67,000 words into Ghost in the Assembly, which puts me on Chapter 13 of 21. I think this book will be in the Hundred Thousand Words Club, maybe a little less, maybe a little more, we’ll see. I’m still hoping to have it out in March, if all goes well. My secondary project right now is Shield of Battle, the fifth of six books in The Shield War series, and I’m 5,000 words into that. Once Ghost in the Assembly is complete, it will be full speed ahead on Shield of Battle.
In audiobook news, recording for Orc-Hoard (as excellently narrated by Leanne Woodward) and recording for Cloak of Dragonfire (as excellently narrated by Hollis McCarthy) are both done and those should be showing up on audiobook stores soon. They haven’t quite gotten through processing yet, but it is close.
In regards to Cloak Mage and Half-Elven Thief, I am planning to work on those in the second half of 2025 once Ghost Armor and The Shield War are done, since there are only two books left in Shield War and I’m just about through the fourth book of six for the Ghost Armor series, that won’t be too much longer. So that’s where I’m at with my current writing projects and let’s move on now to Question of the Week.
00:02:22 Question of the Week
Question of the Week is intended to inspire enjoyable discussions of interesting topics. This week’s question, what is your favorite kind of frozen pizza? No wrong answers, obviously. The inspiration for this question is that it’s the topic of the episode, so here are the answers we got from people.
Justin says: We do the Walmart Great Value rising crust frozen pizzas at my house. I add eight ounces of shredded cheese and sprinkle Italian herb mix on top.
I’ve found that’s a good idea myself. If you buy some of the cheaper frozen pizzas, you can add extra pepperoni, oregano, or whatever you want to it and that will enhance the flavor.
John says: Trader Joe’s. They have an Italian-made margherita that’s quite good.
Scott says: Red Baron Classic Crust, either Supreme or Four Meats.
MW says: The one they sell in my country, brand name Dr. Oetker Ristorante with salami, mozzarella cheese, and green pesto. I often top it up with some goat’s cheese.
Doug says: Digiorno’s Supreme.
Juana says: Half pepperoni, half Canadian Bacon.
Brooks says: Depends on the mood. We typically don’t eat frozen pizza. If we do, it’s usually Digiorno’s, although when I’m craving something junk food-ish and pizza at the same time, I will totally go for Totino’s. Plus the story behind that brand and how it revolutionized the frozen pizza business in general is amazing.
Brandy says: I don’t have a full size oven at the moment, so Totino’s is my favorite because I like cheese pizza and it fits in my toaster oven. Otherwise, I make my own.
Gary says: Generally a smaller local brand-they seem to be a little fresher with higher quality ingredients than larger brands.
Parker says: Totino’s, hands down-my favorite junk food.
JT says: I either eat 7-Eleven pizzas or eat Totino’s. Otherwise, my pizzas are almost as fresh as the day Adam and Eve were introduced to the concept in Eden.
For myself, my answer will be the main topic of this episode, which we’re going to get to right now.
00:04:15 Main Topic: Winter 2024/2025 Frozen Pizza Roundup
I used to joke that if I lived long enough and could afford to retire, I wanted to start a YouTube channel that consisted entirely of different reviews of frozen pizza. The idea came from the sitcom Community. I always enjoyed the show since it’s about a community college. I used to work in higher ed, so I could definitely relate to most of the jokes. One of the recurring gags is an elderly student named Leonard (who was played by the late actor Richard Erdman) has a YouTube channel where he reviews potato chips, frozen pizza, and other snack foods. Anyway, one member of my family gets quite ill if any gluten is consumed. So for about the last decade, I’ve been buying and eating gluten-free frozen pizzas, which are very nearly almost as good as the real thing these days.
However, I eventually realized I could just buy myself a frozen pizza made with delicious, delicious gluten and get several lunches out of it over the course of the week. So that is what I did. Since I haven’t had normal frozen pizza on a regular basis for nearly a decade, I decided to try a new brand every week. So here is the Winter 2024/2025 Frozen Pizza Roundup. Unlike my movie reviews, the pizza reviews will be in chronological order based on when I ate them. Grades are totally subjective and based on my own opinions and nothing else. I’ll also be rating the pizza by eating it hot and eating it cold, since cold pizza is a different experience than hot pizza. Cold pizza for lunch the next day is something to look forward to, especially during a busy day.
I should also mention that I bought each pizza myself. No one sent me any free stuff, so while my opinion is subjective, it is nonetheless unbiased. Additionally, I exactly follow the preparation directions for each pizza since I wanted to avoid the phenomenon you sometimes see on recipe blogs where a commenter will complain that a recipe didn’t work and then will later admit that they took out the butter, cut the sugar in half, replaced the flour with cornstarch, and substituted canola oil for frosting.
In terms of the health of eating this much pizza, I should point out I lost about five pounds during the time period here. Pizza, like most things, is perfectly fine when consumed in moderation. Eating an entire frozen pizza in one sitting is bad. I could do that when I was 20 years old and working as a truck unloader. Doing that when I’m a middle-aged man who spends most of his time sitting down and typing is a much worse idea. Besides, getting three meals out of a pizza is better and definitely more economical and I’m at the age where if I can lose a pound a month and keep it off, I’m doing well. With that rather lengthy introduction out of the way, on to the pizzas.
First up is the Pothole Pizza Meat Sweats, which I ate on November 15th, 2024. Kwik Trip is a large brand of gas stations and convenience stores in the Upper American Midwest. They’re known for having a wide variety of foods. Pothole Pizza is the store brand of frozen pizza, so for my first week of trying a non-GF pizza, I got one of those specifically the Meat Sweats variant with a lot of meat, specifically a whole bunch of pepperoni, sausage, ham, and bacon. It was really quite good.
The crust was on the thicker side without being dough or bready. The sauce had a pleasant garlic flavor to it. The cheese was good and the pepperoni and sausage were ample. The sausage also had a pleasant spiciness to it as well. The abundance of cheese means that it is a little greasy but not unduly so. When cold, it is also good. You can’t really taste the sauce, but the cheese sets well and the sausage tastes just as good cold as it does hot.
Overall grade: A+
Next up is the Cheese Mountain Four Meat pizza, which I had on November 22nd, 2024. Cheese Mountain is Kwik Trip’s take and bake pizza, which isn’t frozen (technically). The advantage of take and bake is that it’s easier to cook since it hasn’t been frozen, though you really should cook it on the same day that you buy it.
Overall, I like this about the same as Pothole Pizza. The sauce on Pothole Pizza is better, while the crust on Cheese Mountain is superior. I do think the cheese on the Pothole is slightly better as well, which is ironic given that this pizza is named Cheese Mountain, but the cheese is still good. When cold, I don’t think it’s quite as good as the Pothole Pizza. Both the sausage and pepperoni aren’t as spicy as the toppings on the Pothole version. This was still good, but I still prefer the Pothole.
Overall grade: A-
Next up is Heggie’s pepperoni pizza, which I ate on December 6th, 2024. Heggie’s is a pizza company based out of Minnesota that distributes to the Upper Midwest and the Dakotas. I admit I don’t go to bars all that often, but I’ve been told that Heggie’s is the official bar pizza of much of that region, so I decided to try that next.
Having never tried it before, I came in with no expectations and was therefore quite pleasantly surprised by how good it was. It’s a thin crust pizza, though a bit on the thicker side, which gives the crust some satisfying heft. The sauce had an excellent tang. The pepperoni was good and the cheese flavorful. When cold, it is likewise excellent. The spiciness of the pepperoni overcomes the more subdued taste a pizza often has while cold. Honestly, this is a superb example of a pepperoni pizza.
Overall Grade: A
Next up is Lottza Motzza Four Meat pizza, which I tried on December 13th, 2024. This was made by Brew Pub Pizza, which is itself owned by Bernatello’s, a Wisconsin based frozen pizza manufacturer and distributor. I quite like this one as well. The crust is thin and just a bit flaky, which is nice. The cheese was excellent and as the name indicates, there was indeed a lot of mozzarella cheese. When eaten cold, it is also a good meal. The large quantity of cheese helps, the crust remains flaky, and the spiciness of the sausage is highlighted when it is cold.
Overall Grade: A
Next up is Legit Three Meat Pizza, which I ate on December 20th, 2024. Legit Three Meat Pizza is made by Pep’s Pizza Company, which is based out of Green Bay in Wisconsin. I admit I didn’t like this quite as much as the other ones on the list. The meat was good, but the cheese and sausage weren’t quite as strong as the other examples on the list so far. I don’t think it had quite enough sauce, which is actually amusing because I accidentally dripped a bunch of sauce in my shirt while I was eating it (which might be why I thought it didn’t have enough sauce, because some of the sauce ended up on my shirt). Eaten cold, I actually think it tastes better cold than it does hot. However, this is one of the few pizzas on this list where I would recommend you add some oregano, frozen pizza spice, or garlic salt (depending on your preferences) because it’s not quite as flavorful as others on this list.
Overall Grade: B
Next up is the Screamin’ Sicilian pepperoni pizza, which I tried on January 3rd, 2025. Screamin’ Sicilian pepperoni is produced by the Palermo’s Pizza Company, which is based in Wisconsin.
I realized when I was writing this that a lot of pizza companies are based in Wisconsin, so I did some research. The reason is quite logical. Wisconsin is one of the leading producers of cheese in the United States, and so the pizza companies want to be closer to the supply, so to speak. Wisconsin is also generally considered to be more small business friendly than the neighboring states of Minnesota and Illinois. Having visited both Minneapolis and Chicago, I can hazard a guess that the only thing harder than running a small business in Minneapolis would be running one in Chicago.
Anyway, back to the pizza. I quite like this one. It has abundant cheese and a very generous layer of pepperoni. There’s enough pepperoni that the top layer of it becomes quite crispy. Crispy
pepperoni is delicious. Additionally, the cheese is very good. I’d say the biggest weakness in the pizza is the crust, which is somewhat bland and a bit on the bready side. Eaten cold, it remains a good experience. The cheese sets well and the pepperoni retains the taste. As I said before, the crust remains the only weakness.
Overall Grade: A-
Next up is Pothole Pizza Pep Rally, which I ate on January 10th, 2025. This is another pizza from Kwik Trip’s Pothole brand, specifically an all pepperoni pizza, and frankly it was just superb. It has the same high quality crust, tasty sauce, and excellent cheese as the Meat Sweats version above. The pizza also has a generous layer of pepperoni, enough that crisps a bit in the oven. The combined flavor is just excellent.
Eaten cold, it tastes just as good. The cheese, the pepperoni, and the sauce (especially the sauce) retain their flavor. I think a strong sauce is key to having pizza taste good while cold. The only thing I can say that’s negative about this pizza is that I think it would taste better with sausage, which is why they have the Meat Sweats pizza.
Overall Grade: A
Next up is Pep’s Drafthouse Double Pepperoni Doppelboch Pizza, which I ate on January 17th, 2025. This is another pizza from Pep’s Pizza Company, also did the Legit Three Meat pizza from several weeks ago. I like this one quite a lot better than the Legit Three Meat pizza.
The crust was a bit thicker but much more flavorful. The pepperoni and the sauce both tasted good. The pizza had a mixture of mozzarella and provolone cheese, which I wasn’t sure would work, but it really did. It gave the cheese a somewhat sharper flavor than the straight mozzarella that combined well with the pepperoni. Eaten cold, it isn’t quite as good as hot, but granted that’s true of many things. The sauce is definitely better when hot, though the cheese and pepperoni still carry the day.
Overall Grade: A-
Next up is Seventh Avenue Pepperoni and Meatball Pizza, which I ate on January 24th, 2025. Seventh Avenue is a regional frozen pizza in the Upper Midwest, specifically based out of Minneapolis. I have to admit, that makes me root for them a bit since as I mentioned above, running a small business in Minneapolis is a bit like playing the small business game on hard mode. Anyway, the pizza is quite good when it’s hot. The cheese is on the higher end and the sausage is excellent. The crust isn’t quite as good as the other ones on the list, but overall, the pizza is quite tasty. Eaten cold, I actually liked it a bit better. The sauce sets well and the cheese and toppings have strong flavor. I can tell that the cheese was very high quality because I needed to take three lactase pills before I ate it.
Overall Grade: A-
Next up is Tombstone pepperoni and sausage, which I ate on January 31st, 2025. I wanted to close out this review tour by trying some of the larger corporate pizzas, since all the pizzas I tried for this on the list came from relatively smaller, US-based companies. Tombstone was originally one of the oldest frozen pizza companies in the US, founded by Pep and Ron Simek in the ‘60s. Pep Pizza’s company (mentioned above) is an effort to carry on that legacy. Tombstone is now owned by a very large multinational corporation that has something of a questionable reputation in certain areas (they’re litigious, so you can Google them if you’re curious). They’re the kind of company whose “Controversies” Wikipedia article is as long as the actual article on the company itself.
So honestly, I wasn’t sure what to expect. The multinational company in question bought Tombstone way back in 2010, and I haven’t had a Tombstone pizza since a couple of years before that. In all honesty, it wasn’t bad. Eaten hot, the crust is crisp and a little bit on the thicker side and the sausage is good. I like the sauce as well. The cheese isn’t as good as the others on this list, but it’s by no means bad. Eaten cold, it’s adequate, but as I said, not as good as most of the others on this list.
But in all fairness, the biggest advantage of Tombstone is price. If I remember right, it’s at least $2 cheaper than the next cheapest pizza I tried on the list. The downside of buying pizzas from smaller companies is that they tend to be proportionally more expensive. Given how bad the economy remains, this is an important fact, which in all fairness is one of the advantages of a larger company like the multinational food company we’ve been talking about- it is possible to drive down the cost and deliver a product that might not be as good as some of the others on this list but it is still good enough at a lower price.
Overall Grade: B+
The next large corporate pizza I tried, and the last one we’ll mention in this episode, is the Digiorno’s Classic Crust pepperoni pizza, which I tried on February 10th, 2025. Digiorno’s, like Tombstone, is part of the same food conglomerate I mentioned for the Tombstone pepperoni and sausage pizza, which makes sense because honestly, this tasted almost exactly the same as the Tombstone pizza. I thought that pepperoni was slightly better, but overall, it tasted very nearly the same.
Eaten cold, I don’t think it was quite as good. The crust definitely got a bit soggier than the others on the list. I think Digiorno’s is mostly known for their thick crust pizza, so I might try one of those instead and see what the difference is. But again, this had the significant advantage of being cheaper than many of the other options I tried. Granted, I still like the Tombstone pizza better, but this wasn’t a bad pizza, either.
Overall Grade: B
So now we come to the conclusion. Overall, the Pothole Pizza Meat Sweats, Heggie’s pepperoni pizza, and the Lotzza Motzza Four Meat Pizza were my favorites. For the more budget conscious diner, I think the Tombstone Pizza offers the best value for price out of everything on this list. Given that I didn’t give anything on this list a lower grade than a B, you might conclude that I like frozen pizza, and you would be right.
I very much enjoy frozen pizza, and I very much enjoy having come back to gluten based pizza after a decade, after finally deciding that, you know what? When I have pizza, I’m going to buy a glutenous pizza and a non-gluten pizza for the family member who has trouble with gluten. Still, frozen pizza in general is really a miracle of technological achievement, isn’t it? Making pizza from scratch is a lot of work, but you can go to the store, buy an entire pizza for under $10, and cook and eat it with minimal prep time. That would’ve been an unfathomable wonder for the vast majority of human history, and I think that is to be admired. So to celebrate this achievement, I think I’m going to eat some cold pizza now.
So that’s it for this week. Thanks for listening to The Pulp Writer Show. I promise that next week I will go back to talking about writing topics instead of movies or frozen pizza. I hope you found the show enjoyable. A reminder that you can listen to all the back episodes on https://thepulpwritershow.com. If you enjoyed the podcast, please leave a review on your podcasting platform of choice. Stay safe and stay healthy and see you all next week.
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